Today, the 14th May, signals the start of La Fête du Pain (a festival of bread) here in France. The celebrations began back in 1996 when the then French minister of commerce, Jean-Pierre Raffarin, inaugurated the event. So, why May? Because the 16th May is the Saint Honoré day. ‘What saint is that?’ you ask? He’s the patron saint of bakers, of course! The lucky guy even has a cake named after him. It too looks quite tasty. If I’m honest, I’d prefer to have a cake named after me than to be a saint. Hint hint…

Back to bread. French bakeries will celebrate for a week, so I decided to celebrate too — by sampling something I’d never tried before. This double-chocolate bread roll, called a baguettine au chocolat in French, is chocolate bread with chocolate chips added. It’s chewy, sweet and chocolatey. More filling than a chocolate bar, this thing is the perfect indulgent snack between meals.

For those seeking something healthier, I can recommend the baguettine aux fruits. Okay, it’s probably just as calorific as the baguettine au chocolat but surely a lot less than a standard croissant. What will you be sampling?

1. Sushi Shop (13 Rue de la Poste, Annecy)

This place opened in late 2011 with the involvement of one of the judges of the French version of TV show Top Chef. It’s a chain sushi restaurant, and I love it because there is so much choice for vegetarians. You’d normally expect a fish restaurant to have the least options, but here in Haute Savoie, it’s the opposite. No diot sausages or lardons in sight. Service is professional and helpful.

2. Le Petit Shanghai (Grand Epagny shopping village, about five shops after Espace Montagne, outskirts of Annecy)

In the middle of a huge outdoor shopping village, Le Petit Shanghai opened just a few months ago in early 2012. The Cantonese dishes are authentic, varied, tasty and cheap, allowing a group to share an abundance of dishes without over-spending. Service is friendly and fast.

3. Lan-Som-Tam (33 Avenue des Romains, Annecy)

I wrote about this place when I discovered it in January this year. Decent Thai food in a cute little restaurant a ten-minute walk from the Courier shopping centre in a residential area. The plates are a little small, but the taste is fantastic. Service is friendly and welcoming.

Sushi in particular has exploded in Annecy. A friend tells me that O Sushi near the Palais de Justice has been running for years and is very tasty, while another friend raves about a new place called Sushi Express in the old town. There’s also Bingo Sushi in the Carrefour Centre but I rarely seem to be there when it’s open or when I’ve got time to stop. It looks like I have some more ‘research’ to do. If anyone wants to add to this list, please add yours in a comment below.

1. You can’t. Sleep in instead.

Easy, isn’t it?

I own a business in France and I pay all sorts of taxes. I’m expected to integrate and be conversational in French upon arrival (since no paperwork is in any other language), but I don’t have the right to vote in the presidential elections. Immigration is one of the hot topics, and with around 3.6 million immigrants living in France without French nationality, that’s a lot of votes that are never counted. No wonder some local kids weren’t told off by their parents when they broke my flagpole (with Aussie and British flag attached) at last weekend’s Defi Foly event in La Clusaz. The xenophobia starts at the top.

Back to flowers and happiness in a few days.

However, we were greeted by a relatively empty lake area, and this portable toilet, on its side, which had blown away at least 50 metres during a night of 150km/h winds. Its twin was out of sight. The competition wasn’t happening but music was still playing.

The pontoon end of the ramp, made of wood and covered with snow for the contestants to slide into, was another victim of the tempestuous weather, breaking overnight. No ramp meant no way for the contestants to transition from snow to water, so the competition was cancelled.

Contestants were refunded half of the €20 entrance fee. The announcer ensured the few spectators that the other entertainment would still go ahead. We decided to set up the BBQ since the sun was shining despite the forecast of rain. The wind helped get the coals ignited and people flocked as noon struck.

Normally, the entertainment involves acrobatic paragliding tricks and people in wing suits jumping out of helicopters. But this year, it was limited to a couple of pretty planes making a loveheart pattern in the sky and performing some impressive stunts. I’m not sure if the reduced entertainment was a result of the high winds or the money lost to refunding the contestants. Either way, the lack of rain and the end-of-season get-together of friends was enough to keep us entertained and happy all day.

It’s Candide Thovex’s teaser for his latest crazy film, ‘Few Words’, filmed here in La Clusaz. From around 2 minutes 40 seconds in the video below, Candide can be seen jumping in the La Balme area of La Clusaz, where he built the jumps with some buddies just a few weeks ago. A friend and I tried to stay on the piste to watch the jumps but a pisteur came and shooed us away, leaving Monsieur Thovex and his posse with the entire ski area for themselves after closing time, just as the sun was giving out some nice light to shoot footage in. Take a look for yourselves:

My friend wanted to take a white sheet up the next day and hide under it after last lifts and until the pisteurs had all gone, leaving us alone with Candide, but I chickened out for fear of getting the pisteurs angry and for ruining Candide’s beautifully empty (except for him) shots of the area. The full-length film is due out in October 2012. If it features any scenes showing the pisteurs on the balcony of the Bergerie restaurant at La Balme, helping a screaming girl called Naomi whose knee cartilage folded up on itself while she ate lunch, look for me just next to her. I’m the one who looks unsure whether to shake her fist at the helicopter making so much noise above us while her friend was in pain, or wave at Candide’s film crew inside the helicopter. Even if our balcony scene is missing from the final cut, I’m guessing this movie is going to make Candide Thovex even more of a ski hero both locally (if that’s possible) and all around the globe.

Incidentally, my friend with the knee cartilage problem was hitchhiking up to La Clusaz from Saint-Jean-de-Sixt about a month ago, and guess who stopped to give her a lift. Yep, Candide. I wonder if he recognised her on the footage from the helicopter. In case you’re reading, Candide, two shots of Morphine and they managed to unfold her cartilage and she’s been fine ever since.

With the ski resort of La Clusaz due to close fully at the end of April, the locals are getting impatient. Town is quiet, business is slow, and they finally have time to wind down and enjoy some hours on the mountain. Normally, the season ends with at least a few warm, sunny days for us all to enjoy, but not this year. The constant fog and flat light of the past week looks set to continue, much to the dismay of those of us trying to squeeze in as many days skiing as possible.

Yesterday, for example, I was with a friend at the top of La Balme. The fog was thick and we decided to wait to see if it would clear. Ten minutes passed and there was no change, apart from the arrival of another friend with some of his friends grumbling. They were the only ones at the top with us for the whole time we chatted. One of the guys said he wanted to wait with us rather than face the fog. Imagine closing your eyes and trying to walk in a bumpy field without falling over, then add in so many cold, wet snowflakes hitting you in the face that they cause a constant sting, and that’s what the mountain has been like lately. Don’t get me wrong: we were there because the draw of the fresh powder outweighed the stinging faces and uncertainty during foggy moments. The rocks and trees are once again covered. The mountain — when visible through all the fog — looks like early winter, with the promise of great snow coverage for weeks.

So, for the first time that I remember, there is too much snow falling in the French Alps! And when May begins, I’m pretty sure a whole lot of us will be looking at the glowing white snow on the closed ski runs and cursing Mother Nature just a little bit for taunting us so. Either that, or we’ll be trying to justify paying ridiculous prices to go to resorts that a high enough to stay open all year round. Zermatt, anyone?

Oh…

They also have to deal with customers who are annoyed that their full-day lift pass doesn’t cover their bus journey from one ski area to another. These customers, who have already held up the queue by arguing with the bus driver, have to rest their skis and poles somewhere, take off their gloves, find some money, then put their gloves back on, pick up their skis and move up the aisle. Filling a bus in La Clusaz can take some time. People with a lift pass that covers more than a day can use the buses for free, as can the holders of the French Carte d’Hote (hotel card) Why aren’t the buses just free? Most people get on for free anyway. Why not extend it to the few who have day passes or are just pedestrians?

But it gets even better. By April, most of the tourists have left and the bus timetables change. Services are reduced, and some lines are cancelled altogether. From Saint-Jean-de-Sixt, the buses that normally run twice every hour to both La Clusaz and Le Grand Bornand ski resorts switch to once an hour, with a long lunch break in between. By the way, a season pass is the only type of lift pass that can be used on this bus. Those without who don’t hold a Carte d’Hote have to pay in each direction. But I digress.

I took this bus to La Clusaz a few days ago, then skied to La Balme — the highest area of the resort with the best snow. The main access via Fernuy was closed after an avalanche late last week, leaving just the slow green run to La Balme. I discovered later that day that the only way back to the village of La Clusaz was via the bus (Fernuy lift was closed and the green piste back had no snow on it). The queue for the bus was massive. Easter holiday-makers were stranded like me, and after fifteen minutes, a bus on the reduced timetable finally turned up. Yes, there’s absolutely no other way back to the main resort, and it’s Easter holidays, but La Clusaz hadn’t thought to put on any extra buses. Not everyone squeezed on the packed bus, but at least the driver didn’t insist on seeing everyone’s lift pass. By the time it made it back to the La Clusaz bus station, the bus for Saint-Jean-de-Sixt had already left, with the next one an hour away.

I learnt my lesson. Yesterday, a friend and I drove to La Balme instead, potentially saving ourselves hours in waiting for buses and feeling like sweaty sardines. We found a great car park just near the lift, and we booted up. Then we discovered the whole area was closed because of high winds. Fed up with trying to find the best snow in the resort, we took our boots off, got back in the car, swore a bit and had lunch in town instead.

The moral to this story? Go to a resort where the buses are free and often!

And now I’m wondering exactly what elements of shags are included at the Shag Café. I can think of a few double entendres, but some of my readers are far too young to have their eyes assaulted by such language. And a ‘shag’ is just a bird anyway, right? With that in mind, perhaps patrons can order a wild shag.

The clue is Milka chocolate. They sponsor an easy piste in a few French resorts, adding sculptures of local animals that the kids (and adults) love having their photos taken next to or on. They also have purple information panels with information about the animals, the environment and other mountain-related information. Yes, educational, blah blah blah. I haven’t got the the most important bit yet. Here it comes.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  FREE CHOCOLATE  <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

During school holidays, the Milka staff travel between the resorts, with one dressed as a Milka cow, to hand out Milka chocolate to kids. The kids do have to answer questions about stuff they’ve just learnt from the educational panels, and the chocolate is the size of the type you get with coffee. The rewards aren’t really there. Kids, there’s a much easier way. Just find a single adult who the Milka cow or the cow’s helper finds attractive and they’ll hand that person chocolate by the box load. I’d like to thank one Milka cow for our Milka chocolate fondue. It might have taken all six of us about half an hour just to unwrap enough chocolate for the fondue, but it was free and it was given with love. Or lust. Either way, it wasn’t reciprocated. Poor Milka cow.

Don’t get me wrong: we didn’t take the chocolate and run. A group of us hung out and partied with the Milka cow and his helper every time they were in town one season. Thankfully, he’d changed out of his cow outfit so we didn’t have random people begging for chocolate (hah! No chance: we ate it in a fondue already). With the outfit on, he’s the most popular man/cow in resort. With it off, he’s just another drunk guy who can dance exceptionally well.

For those kids or single people interested to know where the piste mauve is in La Clusaz, it’s under the Mini Loup chairlift on the Crêt du Merle peak — just opposite the snow park.