Medieval France for a day

Once upon a time, a girl from a far-away place found herself in a strange land, so she began to learn the language and the customs, and she wrote a blog about the experience. She had heard of this village called Les Grandes Médiévales d’Andilly, where wandering minstrels are only drowned out by the sounds of live canons or the crowd cheering on the jousters. Alas, the village only allowed visitors a few weekends a year, and always in May, when the girl from a far-away place was either heavily occupied with work or preferred to stay sheltered during the rainy month.

Ten years later, the weather and my work commitments cleared just in time for the opening day at Andilly medieval village/theme park. The wait was definitely worth it. The village is run by staff and volunteers who are knowledgeable, entertaining and most importantly, professional. This is not the place to find your typical medieval role-play fan who slaps on a bit of medieval make-up and speaks in a funny accent. There are blacksmiths who explain how they create things; engaging actors who recreate funny scenes of life in the Middle Ages; highly-skilled horse riders performing impressive stunts; and my favourite, the torture instrument lady who described an array of torture instruments in a convincingly positive and comedic manner (for example, she assured us with good arguments that the chastity belt was an excellent marital aid).

The more obvious draw-cards are the combat aspects, such as jousting, sword fighting, a catapult demonstration and a canon show, loved by the young and old alike. Here’s a sample of the jousting.

Shady picnic tables and food outlets are placed throughout the site to rest weary feet and refuel energy levels, and a raised tree walk where kids can bounce along to burn off energy between shows.

Many members of the public got into the spirit by dressing up for the day. Perhaps not all quite corresponding with the medieval era or historical records, there were characters from Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean and The Lord of the Rings lurking around the many shops selling animal furs, leather gauntlets, and a full variety of medieval wear and wares.

Unexpected sights included the tightrope walker without any safety strap or safety net below (just a couple of hooks on his balance pole, a random member of the public dressed up as death and hanging around a bridge (cue Monty Python quotes of “An African or a European swallow?” and “What is your favourite colour?”), and a girl on a cow waiting to buy an ice cream.

But let’s get back to the torture lady. She explained what the contraption in the slideshow above is. It’s a shoe. The ‘naughty’ person puts their foot inside the spacious metal contraption and a metal slide inside shortens its length to squash the foot ‘for a cozy fit’. A mini BBQ is placed underneath to ‘gently brown’ the sole of the foot. While this is going on with the right foot, the person’s left foot is placed on a piece of wood with a small metal pyramid 5cm high in the centre. A mallet is brought down onto the foot to ‘tenderise’ it and break the bones. The benefit of this is that the person forgets that their right foot is burning.

Disappointments of the day were the long toilet queues (triple the number of toilets are needed), the lack of soap to wash hands properly after a toilet visit and long food queues at peak times. Unexpected bonuses included a wide variety of vegetarian food (ranging from super healthy to pure indulgence) and the hidden, quiet bridges over pretty streams between the hoards of people on the main paths.

Items worth bringing that I didn’t bring include sunscreen, a refillable water bottle and a toasty warm layer for the evening entertainment. And bring cash, because medieval shops don’t have card terminals!

Les Grandes Medievales d’Andilly is open for only two weekends a year. In 2018, that’s the long weekend of 19-21 May, then 26-27 May. If you can’t make it, there’s always next year.

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