When and how to kiss in France

Living in France means getting your kiss on, and it’s something that’s never bothered me. In fact, as someone who shuns hugging, the cheek kiss is perfect: less overall physical contact, and no awkward moment trying to figure out when to pull away.

It’s a great way to meet new people too because, at a small gathering for example, friends of friends must greet everyone and not just their friends. There’s no sideways looks from others trying to figure out if they know that person who just arrived, and no need to try to break into a group’s circle if you just to find some conversation. Instead, a quick bonsoir and some kisses on cheeks upon arrival break the ice. Personally, I find it much easier to spark up a conversation with someone I’ve already acknowledged, whether I’ve met them before or not. But not everyone feels the same about the bisous. Things can get complicated in social situations, as Paul’s (slightly aggressive!) video below shows:

As Paul points out, one of the challenges is knowing how many kisses are required and which cheek to start on. Different areas of France have different rules, and if you go for the wrong cheek, the kiss could get more intimate. Not to worry — a new French website, combiendebises.com, is here to help. People can vote for the number of kisses typical in their department, along with which cheek to start on. Some departments, such as Vosges (88), know what they’re doing: 96% of voters say there are 2 kisses, and 75% start on the right cheek.

Here in Haute Savoie (74), things are a bit more confusing. Two or three bises? Left or right cheek? The uncertainty is all part of the fun! Over the border in Geneva, the standard is three kisses, and that’s probably influenced the Haute Savoie results.

French depardtments and kissing

As confusing as it is here in Haute Savoie, it gets even more confusing with other non-French people. Do you embrace the French way of greeting friends and faire les bises (while saying “Hi” in English), or do you keep your distance and wait to see if they approach? If they’re a close friend with the same cultural background as you, do you go right in for a hug? Probably best off doing what Paul says and pretending to be sick to avoid the whole thing.

About

I'm a technical author, journalist and writer from Australia who has been living in Europe since 2000 and exploring the world from there. My passions are writing, snow sports and travel.

8 Comments on “When and how to kiss in France

  1. I love the bises site!!! I want to know who the 2 or 3% in many of the departments that do 5 are – you’d never get round a party! Luckily both in the Aude and here in the Dordogne we are only 2 and most (including me) offer the left cheek!

  2. What a cute post! I’m always a little unsure how to kiss and usually reserve it for my continental friend who I know kiss-kiss. I like hugs!

  3. Hi Wendy the only people I back off from are the Brits (and I am a Brit). I just go with the flow. Bises are fine with me.

  4. Dordogne. Two starting on the right, but only for friends rather than a handshake for other people in the village. I think family members get a couple more! But we do bisous at our regular restos, the Dr and dentist are handshakes even though both are on firstname terms.

  5. I forgot to add that my husband, true Man of Kent, never kisses the men. The dog is ambivalent and will sniff anyone he likes.

  6. @Tory, yeah, the five kisses is ridiculous! Two takes long enough.
    @Mandy, strange isn’t it, that I crew up hugging, yet I’m embracing (pardon the pun) the kiss. 🙂
    @Anne, yes, I’m never sure whether to kiss, shake hands or just nod when meeting a Brit friend-of-friend. My friends have no choice to revert to kiss-kiss instead of hug – hah!
    @Lesley I think the dog has the right idea there. I do the same with ‘official’ type people like my doc and dentist. No idea why when, as you say, favourite restaurant people get this kiss-kiss.